Red On Black
by Trust-Me-I'm-a-Fangirl-96422
Summary: To him, this was okay. As long as no one found out, or anyone he loved was hurt, he could do this forever. However, Grell would soon discover that this was not an okay thing to Angelina, and that he was hurting her by doing it. Madame Red x Grell.


**Ah... Yes, another Grell self-harm story ^^; It's pretty much how I vent. Sorry. **

**Anyways, this is during the Jack the Ripper arc. Pairing is Madame Red x Grell. Not butler Grelle. Just reaper Grell.**

**I guess I should warn that if you trigger easily or if reading about self-harm is your trigger, it's probably not a good idea to read this. I have no idea what everyone else is triggered by, because my trigger is personally weird, but I won't ramble on about that.**

**I hope you enjoy this story and regardless of whether you do or not, reviews are always appreciated :D**

As a grim reaper, he could smell fear. It was a common trait for his kind to have. Fear strong and persistent enough could be smelled from over a mile away. But the fear he was smelling this time was nowhere near that far away. This fear was close and chokingly strong. This fear was inside of him.

Grell took a deep, silent breath, the tip of his blade poised at his already-mutilated arm. One more slash, one more scar added to the collection of many more that already existed on his skin. The blood oozed slowly from the edges of the new gash. Its steady trickling calmed his frantic heartbeat. A gush of air slipped through his lips as he titled his head, eerily calm eyes watching the scarlet essence leak out of him.

This was something he had control over. One thing in his twisted life that he could manipulate. The choice to cut wasn't his; the bottomless trench of his soul had long ago claimed the addiction as a daily routine. But he could cut to control himself. Control the hunger. The growl of death that rang in his ears.

To him, this was okay. As long as no one found out, or anyone he loved was hurt, he could do this forever. However, Grell would soon discover that this was not an okay thing to Angelina, and that he was hurting her by doing it.

* * *

Madame Red came home to her manor after a long day of work at the hospital. Idly thinking about what a miracle it was that her butler had been left alone and the place was still in one piece, she shrugged off her jacket—the red one with the black ribbon on the back that Grell adored so—and hung it next to Grell's black trench coat. The red sleeves came to rest over top of the black sleeves, a strange mockery of a hug.

"Grell? Are you home?" Madame Red called up the stairs. Grell's head snapped up, his breath snagging in his throat. Time passed faster than his blood flowed when he was left alone. Had it really been an hour? Several more cuts had appeared on his arm since the first one, and it was, quite literally, a bloody mess.

"I'm… I'm upstairs, darling~ Give me a moment~" Grell yelled back, doing his best impression of his normal, cheerful voice. He lunged into the bathroom that lay adjacent to his bedroom. His crimson blood momentarily stained the porcelain white sink before the running water washed it away down the dark drain. At this point, Grell wished he could do the same. A red entity forever being drowned out in black. The concept wasn't unfamiliar to him.

Shaking away those horrid thoughts, Grell tightly bound his arm with a spare roll of bandages they kept in the cupboard. Composing himself as much as an internally crumbling grim reaper could, he headed downstairs to greet his lady in red.

"Ah, there you are," Madame Red's bright smile prompted a grin of his own to appear. "What were you doing upstairs? I heard you running around."

"I just had some small business to take care of," the lies came easily to Grell now. Sometimes, he even believed himself. To steer the subject in a different direction, he asked, "Any abortions today? Any heartless whores that need to be painted in pretty red~?" A cold, bare hand threaded Madame Red's short, vibrant ruby locks of hair that rivaled even his own.

"Not today, thankfully…" Madame Red's smile faltered as the small edge of a stained bandage peeked out from under Grell's shirt sleeve. Grell followed her bewildered gaze and hurriedly pulled his arm away from her, hiding the injured limb behind his back.

"What happened?" Madame Red reached for the taller man's arm, but he took a step back, double-irised eyes narrowed and wickedly pointed teeth bared in a defensive snarl.

"It's nothing, An," Grell insisted, his entire body radiating the same fear he'd smelled earlier. But this time, Madame Red could sense it, too.

"Grell… I just want to help," she spoke quietly, reaching out again, this time cautiously. Grell eyed her hand, his breaths so fast he might as well have just ran thirty miles without stopping. His wide eyes reflected the way he was feeling; like an injured baby bird who'd fallen out of the nest and was facing the big world around him. Likewise, Madame Red felt like a small child upon finding a wounded and defensiveness animal, unsure how to handle such a frail creature but wanting to help all the same.

"Please," her voice held a pleading tone to it. After a short eternity, Grell gradually slipped his hand into Madame Red's. The red-haired woman turned Grell's hand palm up and pushed up his sleeve. One pull on the knot and the bloodied bandages fell away to the floor. The neat little rows of scars climbed from Grell's wrist almost all the way up to his shoulder. Some were nearly all faded, others, of course, stood out vibrant red, still leaking blood.

Madame Red was still, wordlessly examining the deep-carved disfigurements. After a few minutes, her tear-filled eyes stared up at Grell, asking the silent question; why?

"Beautiful red. My favorite color," Grell murmured, looking away. "I've become my own portrait. My razor is the paintbrush, my skin the paper. Painting myself red… Just like I did those awful women… I guess that's why I'm doing it to myself. I feel as if I'm a terrible excuse for a person. Or maybe it's just because I've been alone all my life."

Madame Red didn't say a word. Grell cringed, expecting her to get angry at him for doing this to himself. He expected her to react the same way William had. He really didn't want to get shouted at for something he couldn't control. Again.

Instead, his lady in red stepped away from him. Grell's sleeve fell back into place over his arm. At the same time, Madame Red pulled back her own sleeve. She had scars of her own, ones that had long since healed to the point of near invisibility. Time seemed to freeze as Grell stared at the disfigurements gently marring her pale skin.

"We all have our scars, Grell," Madame Red smiled softly, sadly. Grassy eyes met claret ones. Hardly a millisecond later, the two had fallen to their knees on the marble floor, embracing each other firmly. Grell was crying for the first time since he'd gained his very first cut, his pent up emotions pouring from his eyes as he wept into Madame Red's shoulder.

"You're not alone anymore," Madame Red reassured Grell gently, rubbing the male's back in soothing circles. "I'll stay with you for as long as it takes. I'll be with you every step of the way."

"You really mean that…~?" Grell felt his heart flutter with that strange feeling he got around Madame Red.

"Of course I do," Madame Red beamed brightly, ruffling up Grell's hair in a playful manner. "Now, let's get you upstairs so I can fix you up. Can't have my faithful little butler bleeding to death, now can we?"

Grell smiled back, wiping at his ruined mascara with the back of his hand. Madame Red helped him to his feet and the two of them headed upstairs. As they passed the hanging jackets, the sleeves fluttered before coming to rest on top of each other again. Red sleeve on black sleeve. Scarred arm brushing healed arm. Recovering heart mending broken heart.

**I think I quoted a song somewhere in there, but I can't remember where and what song now ^^;**

**I really like this pairing and I think it needs more love. Yes, he did kill her. But... I really hope he regretted it or had a valid reason or something because ;-;**

**Maybe I'll write a story centered around that. **

***coughI'vealreadystartedcough***

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed :3 I wrote this in homeroom today when I was supposed to be doing maths.**

**I spend my time well, don't you think?**

**Review please! **


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